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| So a while has gone by and well my birthday came and went , and that went pretty good. The situation with the bestfriend, didn't get better at all  I'm still extremely depressed about it, but i know its not going to get better as much as I have wished and hoped that it would. *sighs* It'll take me a while but i'm pretty sure i'll be fine. I've already cried about it and probably will cry some more. Eh, i'm only human right? On a happier note, I made a new friend last weekend. He's freaking awesome! Totally nice guy, likes to go out and have fun, meet people. It was extremely refreshing meeting someone like him cause I thought people like that no longer exsisted. And as my luck would have it, he doesn't live here but we keep in touch which is cool | | |
| So today has been pretty good. Went to school, took a test and got a perfect score, ate, walked home and now i'm here. we have some stupid concert later for the music department that we do every year and its such a waste of time. I'm so sleepy and want to take a nap.....eh probably won't happen but whatever. Summer is comming up and i have no clue what i'm doing! ah!!!!. yeah i need to get that planned out. anyway i'm out for now!
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| well, I should be asleep right now but i finally got to talk to my bestfriend....or is he?......and I just feel like I've totally been replaced and it hurts like hell........I'm too depressed to sleep. This was the one friendship that I had that i could ALWAYS count on. and now its all about his ex, and him and his ex did this, and did that, and they spent hours on the phone talking about his problems....I thought thats what I was for !!?!?!?!?!?!?!   So I now regress back to my former state of writing to you Xanga about my fears, tears, and troubles in life. I just really dislike these times when i feel like i just don't fit in anywhere. I try to socialize but then i feel like i just come off as annoying and like i'm being ignored, so i stop trying. i swear its highschool all over again. I thought that was over!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm too frustrated to cry and dont' really have anyone i can call at this hour. my birthday is comming up and every year without fail something happens and i end up depressed . Its fucking amazing how many of your "friends" stop talking to you when you don't have a damn cell phone. yeah they come by evey once in a while when they want something. I can't wait till Wed. night when i get to play the show again cause i alway have so much funning doing it, and the other people there like me and talk to me. I feel good about myself when i'm there, and i like that feeling :) I don't want this summer to be a repeat of last summer ....totally lonely and depressing, and i have oone asshole to thank for that! Thankyou douche bags of American for helping me realize how strong of a person i can really be. Ugh cheesecake would make me feel alittle better right now, i haven't had that in a long time. Here comes the over eating phase in which i use to fill the new void in my life. And no i'm not gonna get over this whole thing over night. I actually do take my friends very seriously . oh how i want to cry right now but just can't. But I guess this is the point in this friend ship where we go our seperate ways cause our purpose in eachother's lives have been served. although I totally don't want this to be true. This is alittle harder to accept than i initialy thought it would be.............I WANT MY BESTFRIEND BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | | |
| So I went to a cast party for CATS with my friend Will and had an ok time. I met acouple of people in the show i hadn't talked to before so that was pretty cool. I actually didn't drink for once! Scary!!! ha!  but they had some snacks so of course i was eating the entire time!!! yay!!! The show went pretty good tonight. I didn't really mess up that bad, or at least not as bad as i messed up last night. I have youth orchestra rehearsal tomorrow and really really don't wanna go . I just need one day where i don'thave to do anything!!!! This whole deal where i'm going 7 days a week is killing me! oh well......i'm actually not that sleepy yet which is weird. I'm craving icecream like a pregnant woman...lol ugh me and my eating habits, i'm suprised i'm not fat. I have a piano test on tuesday I still haven't practiced for. I really think i failed the quiz we took in theory on friday. I just really have no clue what i put down on paper, and then i just ran out......we'll find out on monday!  | | |
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